Grandma 'Nerva

**I had the honor of giving the eulogy at my mother's funeral today. It saddens me greatly that my children won't really remember their Grandma 'Nerva, but I would at least like them to have this so I'm posting it here. The following isn't exactly what I said, as I have a bad habit of continuing to revise speeches even as I'm giving them, but it is fairly close.**

First I’d like to say how wonderful it’s been over the last few days and especially today to see all the outpouring of love for Mom, to see the faces of so many people who loved Mom. Now, I have to admit, that while there are many, many faces here that I recognize there are also a few I don’t know as well. Likewise, I have a feeling there are at least a few people out there who aren’t entirely sure which daughter I am, where I fall in the lineup. So I’ll help you out a bit- I’m my mother’s baby. When I was a teenager I used to hate it when people would refer to me as the “baby” of the family because I thought it sounded so juvenile. I would correct people and tell them I wasn’t the “baby” I was the “youngest”. After I corrected someone like that one day my mother laughed, gave me a sideways hug and said “you may make everyone else call you the youngest all you like, but I am your mother and you will always be my baby!” Just like that my mother had taken something I’d perceived as a negative and made it feel so special and positive. I never again minded when people called me the baby of the family.

And it was around that time that I became convinced that I was my mother’s favorite. After all I was her baby! Imagine my surprise when, over the years, I realized that my siblings all seemed to be under the impression that they were Mom’s favorite! That confused me for a while, but eventually I figured out the truth. We were all Mom’s favorites. You see my mom had such an incredible, boundless capacity to love that it really was possible for all of her children to be loved like a favorite child. And that capacity to love and nurture didn’t stop with the seven children she gave birth to. As a good friend of the family wrote to Mom on her Caringbridge site-

“She had been like a second mother to me and I’d always felt so loved unconditionally by her even when times weren't so great. I can't even explain how, when she had seven awesome children of her own, she still managed to nurture and love and feel like a mother to so many other children.”

That quote really does sum up so much of how my mother was with so many people.
Of course, long before she was a mother, Mom was a daughter and sister. Whenever Mom spoke of her brothers I could always tell how proud she was to be their sister. When her mom became ill, our mom quit school to keep house and take care of her little brother Gawin. And she had such a special relationship with her sister, my Auntie Faye. We all knew that the one time we were NOT to call Mom was at 7:00 on Sunday nights because that was when she talked to Faye.

Faye may have been Mom’s best friend, but she was far from her only friend. Mom had more friends than I could possibly keep track of, but she remembered and loved them all. I’ve heard so many heartwarming stories from many of these friends in the last few days, there is no way I could share them all now, but there is just one I’d like to mention.

Mom was about 16 and her friend Irene wanted to set Mom up on a blind date. Mom really didn’t want to go- she hadn’t always had great experiences on blind dates in the past. But Irene persisted so Mom finally relented, even though the only things she knew about her blind date was that he was a twin and he was from Inwood. Now, 52 years later, I’m honored to call that guy from Inwood Dad.

I’ve tried and tried to come up with some way to put the love Mom and Dad shared into words, but I don’t think there are words to describe it. They were such opposites, but they would look at each other in a certain way and you could just feel the love. These last few months as dad gently cared for her and mom worried about him, were just a continuation of the love they have lived.

Her enormous heart was only the first of Mom’s many gifts. Anyone who spent any time with Mom quickly learned that she could not sit still. If there was a job to be done she was going to do it and do it well. If something broken she would figure out a way to fix it. If a baby needed tending, she’d be the first one in line to hold it. And she had a way of seeing problems, and finding solutions, where others might not. It seems, this was a habit she developed early.

A dear cousin of my mother’s, Barbra Jo, recently shared an old memory of my mother with me. Barbra Jo was around three and my mom was around ten. Barbra Jo was cutting out paper dolls when she cut herself badly in the leg. Now, if I’d seen a cousin cut herself like that when I was ten, I’d have gotten an adult right away and that would have been the end of my involvement in the matter. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to do any more. But not my mom. At the grand old age of ten, my mom when out to the tool shed and figured out how to make her injured cousin some crutches!

My sister Gina tells a story that happened some fifty years after that one. Gina, who lives an hour’s drive away from here, called Mom one morning. Gina’s son Jon, who was just a year and a half at the time, was very sick and Gina had been up with him all night. She was exhausted and upset. An hour and fifteen minutes after hanging up the phone, Mom was at Gina’s door. Of course, just showing up wasn’t enough for Mom, oh no! She needed a project. After looking around a bit, Mom realized that the cabinets in Gina’s kitchen weren’t baby proofed. Several people had looked at the cabinets, attempted to put the locks in place, and said that it wasn’t possible to baby proof them the way Gina wanted. Just the kind of challenge Mom loved. Mom got the drill and before she left that day those cabinets were childproofed.

Jessica, another of my sisters, has a similar story from last Christmas. Jessica’s son Garrett really wanted a particular toy from Christmas, but the stores in Sioux City, where Jessica lives, didn’t have it so Jessica wanted to know if Mom was going to go to Sioux Falls soon and if she could check there for the toy. Mom had been planning to go later in the week, but when there was something to be done Mom just couldn’t wait. She went that day to look for the toy, but none of the stores in Sioux Falls had it either. Jessica figured that it was a lost cause, but Mom was not one to give up easily. Later that week, while on her way to Sioux City, Mom stopped at every store between Inwood and Sioux City. Sure enough, she found the toy in Lemars. If you asked Mom to do something you knew it’d get done.

Those are just a few lightehearted stored about how Mom was always there for those she cared about, but the most recent examples of this are far from lighthearted. When Mom’s second daughter Joni had to undergo major surgery last fall there was no question about where Mom wanted to be- Joni’s bedside. Then again, just a few short weeks later, when Joni’s husband died Mom did everything she was capable of doing to be there for Joni. Joni has a long road ahead of her, but Mom got her through the two most difficult parts of that road and Mom taught her, taught us all, how to get through the rest.
Those were hard words to say, but they needed to be said. However, this speech would not be complete if I didn’t talk about one other aspect of my mom.

Mom’s habit of rearranging, well, everything, is almost legendary in my family. It didn’t matter how carefully you arranged your furniture, she’d figure out a better way to do it. My oldest sister Luanne remembers the time that Mom called her from the factory. Mom had been thinking about it for hours as she worked and she had decided how Luanne’s living room should be arranged. To this day, Luanne’s living room is still arranged the way Mom said it should be.

Mom also loved to plan events and parties. My Aunt Wanda talked the other day about how, when they couldn’t remember whose turn it was to host the Kooima Christmas or Thanksgiving, they could always ask Mom because she would know.

So you see, when Mom had a plan, things generally went according to that plan. Whether it was how the furniture in the living room should be arranged or planning our Christmas gatherings. Mom could usually find a way to make it happen the way she wanted. There is of course one very notable exception, one area where things didn’t go according to Mom’s plan. She had planned to have maybe two or three kids, not more than four. She had seven. My mother had not planned to have me. I always appreciated her honesty about this. I knew that she’d cried when she found out she was pregnant again; she didn’t understand why this had to happen to her. Why, when she already had six children? Having a seventh baby had not been a part of her plan. But I knew, I KNOW, without a doubt, that she loved me- I felt that love each and every day of my life- I feel it even now. (after all, I really was her favorite) God had followed his plan instead of hers and she made sure I always knew how grateful she was about it. The mother’s ring currently around my neck was hers. She told me that my red stone made her ring complete, that I made the family complete.

And now, my mother has left us to join God in heaven. I’m crying and I don’t understand why this had to happen. Why now when my family has already been through so much in the last few months? Losing my mother now as not a part of my plan! But, as surely as I know I am meant to be here, I also know that this is part of God’s plan. Mom’s job here on Earth is done; it was time for her to join God in heaven- where I’m sure she’s already busy rearranging the furniture.

Oatmeal

He scooped the soggy oatmeal out of the sink and ate it. I probably should have stopped him. And, just in case anyone out there had any remaining doubt regarding my current status as the mother of the year-

Oh, what the neighbors must think.

Uh oh! Oh no! Oh crap!

Yes, that is an almost full 42 oz box of oatmeal that *someone* has emptied into my sink. And yes, that certain someone is standing on a chair, naked as the day he was born, in front of the sink. Yes, said carton of oatmeal was previously on the top shelf in the cupboard on the other side of the kitchen. No, I don't particularly want to know how it got from point A to point B.

Grant's reaction when I walked over and saw what he'd done was to say "Uh oh! Oh no! Oh CRAP!". Apparently the time has come for me to 1) pay more attention to what Grant is doing when I'm taking care of Josie and 2) pay more attention to what I say when he still manages to do stuff like this.

I'm actually kind of grateful for Grant's little experiments today (I won't even get into what he was doing with his blocks earlier). He keeps my mind off of less pleasant things. Things like the fact that my mother is very sick and won't be with us much longer. Thank you Grant, for reminding me that life goes on and making me smile.